Friends...

From time to time I think all of the people that have come in and out of my life.. Some good, Some bad... but it never really mattered.. they were there and I have learned lessons from all of them...

I have Some Amazing Friends surrounding me right now that need a huge shout out!! They are filling my life with happiness and joy... I am so blessed... I love my friends..

I am such a mess some times and I'm such a huge contradiction.. I want this and that, then I don't.. who knows what the next day will bring with me.... one of my best friends said today that drama follows me around... and she'd be right... my life is crazy, hectic, wild... but with that said having my friends to lean on makes everything seem to fall back into place!!!


Ok enough of my sappiness..... check out the photo that one of these above mentioned friends took of me today, Angie is an amazing photographer and and even more amazing friend!!! it's so cool I love this pic!!!

Finally some time...

It's been so long since I've had some time to just sit in front of the computer, I have barely been on myspace or facebook, heck, last time i logged into my email i had 70 emails to read, and very few of them were spam...

I have been so incredibly busy with work and the kids ... and spending time with Big Randy at the hospital. For those of you who do not know what happened, we found out the hard way that he has colon cancer, He had a lemon size tumor constricting his colon and lower intestine. He had emergency surgery a week and a half ago... He is doing well, the recovery is a slow process as he was cut open from breastbone to pelvic bone, they had to remove 10 inches of his colon and intestine, then they pulled the rest of the intestine down and reattached it to the colon....and were waiting to find out when he starts chemo for the spots in his liver.

Definitely a life changing situation and all we can do is hope for the best, hope that he regains full function of his bowels, and that the rest of the cancer doesn't take him from us. He is the Rock that holds our family together and we would be lost without him. I cant even think about that....

He is still in the acute care unit, but like i said he is doing better, they finally removed his NG tubes and we can sit and talk with him. We love him so much!!!!


This is the first experience our boys have ever had with a family member in the hospital, they were too young to remember when i lost my grandparents, it's so hard for them to understand what's happening..

I wish that there was more that i could do... I hate siting around feeling useless, I have such a need to fix everything...

A new year...

Wow it's been a long time since I has moment to sit and write about anything. Let's see.. we had a good Christmas, the kids made out as usual, new year's was fun and full of excitement, apparently a bottle of wine is too much for me to drink and results in a nice little hangover... won't be doing that again. My Lil Bro Erik came and stayed with us for two weeks during the holidays and all I have to say is that well, he's not so Lil anymore, and there's just somethings a sister could live without hearing. Despite that, I am so proud of the man that he has become.

Work is work as usual, busy, trying.... I still need to figure out what I want to do with my life..... Being a stay at home mom is not an option right now (that's all I really want to do) I just miss being happy, I am missing out on so much, my little boys are growing up so fast and even though I want them to wait for me to get home before they do it, they wont. So each day there is a new story or experience that they have had and all i get to do is experience it second hand... I miss my babies...

Oh wait that's right there not babies anymore, My oldest will be 10 in a few days... 10 years old already!!!! Nolan turns 7 two weeks later and Caden will be 6 in a few months. UNBELIEVABLE!!!

Well, I am happy to report that my marriage is still going strong and everyday my love is growing stronger, Randy is an amazing husband, I couldn't ask for more!

Life..

So life is... as always frustrating, annoying, overwhelming, slightly ironic and so much Fun!!! yes that is Fun with a capital F !!!
You see as long as there are crazy days to deal with and a million things going on, when you actually get a break, you get to see and really appreciate the little things... and the people!!! I love the people that in my life my right now, they are so accepting, so motivating, and just genuinely good people that truly care about everyone.

To my husband,
When I don't want to deal with my life, I cant stand going to work or doing one more load of laundry, When I'm completely sad over life circumstances, you know just the right thing to do.. The fact that you went out and got me the new book by Nelson Demille (one of my fave authors) Just so that I can escape, shows me that you really do understand exactly what I need and that you care so much about me... I absolutely love you for that!! Oh and I love the book too!

To Claudia,
You Are Freaking Awesome!!! So Thank you for taking me to "Malibu" this week, and for breakfast burritos and doughnuts, You know just what I need and when I need it!!! Oh and thank you for allowing me to steal Ethan from you...He warms my heart and ruins my clothes!!! What more could a girl ask for!!!

Grandpa Lennartz

One of the best men on earth left us today, He went to Heaven to be with his wife... I will forever hold in my heart and memories all of the love My Grandparents gave us, all of the afternoons after school having an ice cream cone on their front porch, my Grandma combing my hair after my bath, our Grandpa reading to us and playing hop-scotch with us... My grandparents were the glue that held our family together, the rock that I leaned on in times of crisis.. I could just go on forever talking about what wonderful people they were...

I wish they were both still with us, I wish that I wasn't so selfish and and that I didn't still need them so badly...

I know that Grandpa is in a better place now, and I'm so happy that he's with Grandma again!!!

There is nothing I can do to make him come back, There are no words I can say, that can replace the words we long to hear,
There are no answer's they can give, that will satisfy our questions, There is not another soul you can introduce me to that will ever replace his And, there is no love you can offer that will ever replace the love we shared
You can not promise that my broken heart will ever be complete, I will not say it could have been worse, I will not deny it was a tragedy, I will not lie and tell myself that he will come back because He never really left
I do know that he hears me when I speak, I will know that he loves me no matter the distance I will not deny he is in a better place And, I will believe that he is waiting to greet us someday
He is every step we take, He is in everything we do, He is the air we breathe, He is every beat of our hearts
" He is like the wind. We can not see him...but we will always feel him"

I'm a mess..

I have been an absolute mess today, I am an emotional wreck and hyper-sensitive. For No reason that I can fathom..
No, it's not that time of the month, no where near it... nothing tragic has happened..yet here I find myself for the up-tenth time today in tears over nothing!!! It's driving me crazy!!!
Just thought I'd share! :..(

Parent Teacher Conference Night

So, with all of the normal anxiety and frustration of having to cram 3 conference's in one night, finding a babysitter so I can make it through all of them... Trying to remember what teacher said what about which kid so that I can relay the info to their dad and grandparent's etc... I MADE IT THROUGH UNSCATHED!!!

Having 3 kids, 1 with disabilities no less, this was no small task, The typical is 2 basic meetings of this kid is at the 80Th percentile, oh, this one is in my top readers group, yada yada, No big deal!!
Then there's the last one, were having trouble with this, we need to work on that, he's not doing so good here, there's room for improvement in this area, behavior, behavior, behavior.....

Tonight however started off with the usual the boys are all doing great academically, and it ended with, We have had so much improvement, he is doing great with this, he is a controlling his bad behavior, he is maturing and growing into such a great peer and helper in the class, everything was positive, or improving!!!! I am so proud!!!!

So to all of the other mother's out there with kids with disabilities, even those without..keep up the hard work, one day we turn around and it truly has paid off, all the struggles and doubt eventually give way to ..... well i can't exactly put in to words how if feel, blessed, happy, relived, proud....I just feel like all the day to day struggles are worth it, because the little boy that everyone said would never be able to maintain in mainstream school has flourished, he is doing great and I couldn't be more proud!!!!